Book Reviews

[Angry Former Employee]

In this section, we review books we haven’t read but nevertheless have a lot of contempt for.

“Outrage” by Dick Morris

Outrage is right! What an asshole! The parents got it right when they named that one. We’d rather listen to one of Charlie Manson’s “Quit Smoking Through Hypnosis” tapes. At least then we’d only have the urge to kill others, not ourselves. Shame on Harper Collins for extending Dick a book deal. When was the last time this guy got laid anyway?

“Rich Dad, Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki

What about “Over-Privileged, Inbred Blue-Blood Jackass Dad, Wasn’t Born a Kennedy Dad”? That seems like a more appropriate title. This book is supposed to expose what the rich teach their children that “others” (read: poor people) don’t. Let us save you some time.

If they’re not a member of the country club, they’re well suited to do your landscaping.
Public education is for suckers.
Political contributions are tax deductible.
The only people who pay taxes are the ones not rich enough to buy the loopholes.
Sometimes, marrying your cousin is the only way.
Women should NEVER see the bank account.
Jail is for “new money.”
“Confessions of an Economic Hit Man” by John Perkins

This book had us really happy and then really pissed off once we realized there wasn’t a real “hit man” in the book. In fact, we’re lobbying the courts to slap an injunction on Mr. Perkins for false advertising. This book wins the award for biggest let down.

“The Pursuit of Happiness” by Chris Gardner (ghost written)



We almost read this book, but then we caught the movie on the plane back from the coast. SPOILER ALERT! He gets the job.

“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey

We’re so tired of people quoting this book. You know what else is a habit of highly effective people? Dysfunctional home lives and a propensity for OCD.

And why is it that only career losers quote this book? Our ex-girlfriend used to read this book. She’s a career waitress at Chotski’s. Highly effective.

“The 4-Hour Work Week” by Timothy Ferris

Finally a book we can get behind. You know what’s great about this book? You can quote it to your boss and completely make shit up. The title is so absurd you can say things like “According to ‘The 4-Hour Work Week,’ golf in the middle of the day helps stimulate creativity,” and the old man will buy it! He’ll probably even be impressed that you read a book.

“Small Is the New Big” by Seth Godin

We’re so fucking sick of Seth Godin. We have to be honest—we haven’t read this book. Actually, we’ve never read any book by Seth Godin. But, really, why should we? Here’s the deal—this guy had one good idea about seven years ago. The dream is over. Let it go.