Salesforce.com Secedes from the Union!

[Angry Former Employee]

Salesforce automation tool becomes the first online entity to declare sovereignty

With the rallying cry “No Automation without Representation!” Salesforce.com officially declared itself a sovereign state Tuesday.

“We make the rules now!” said Marc Benioff. Benioff, formerly CEO, declared himself ‘Supreme Dictator for Life,’ adding, “It’s good to be the king.”

The rebellion was bloodless except for an incident that claimed the lives of four vending machine repairmen, mistaken for “Unionist spies.” It culminated with the publication of Salesforce.com’s “Declaration of Freedom.” As evidence of the level of sophistication that SFDC has achieved, every person who read the Declaration was automatically added to Salesforce’s house list and sent a follow-up email. Their pipeline numbers are off the charts.

“My loyal followers,” said Dictator Benioff, in the recently constructed throne room on Salesforce grounds, “today we usher in a new era. When historians look back on great moments in government, they think of the Roman Senate, the signing of the Magna Carta and the election of Arnold Schwarzenegger. The great SFDC Revolution of 2007 can now be added to that list of the greatest accomplishments in human civilization.”

When asked what the newly founded entity will be called, Benioff said, “We haven’t decided on that; it’s still in committee. Right now, it’s a toss up between ‘Salesforce.comistan’ and ‘The Federated Republic of SFDC.’ All I know is that it’s my nation-state. Do you have a nation-state? Didn’t think so.”

The newly founded nation-state may not have decided on a name yet, but that fact hasn’t stopped the now-free citizens of Earth’s newest nation-state from making preparations for the future.

“Did you hear? We’re going to the Beijing Olympics,” the Dictator said. “We’re going for gold in Judo. I have my people trying to get in contact with Pat Morita to be our sensei. With Mr. Miyagi we’ll be unstoppable!”

When the Dictator was informed that Morita passed away in 2005, he replied, “Really? Who’s going to teach us the Crane Kick? Well, our Olympic hopes rest on the shoulders of David Carradine now. He was in “Kung Fu,” you know.”

Original Pickle correspondents were unable to contact David Carradine to corroborate the story, and messages left for him were unanswered at press time.