Anna Rodriguez was named the first-ever employee of the month at a local marketing agency. Anna receives this honor in most part due to her trend-setting practice of bringing her lunch to work.
“The first time I did it, it was really nerve-racking,” Rodriguez said. “I mean, what if I…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 1:06pm —
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For all you disgruntled (or is it just gruntled?) employees out there—something to make your exit a little bit easier. The crack team at the Original Pickle have already written your resignation letter for you—just choose your answers from the available options and [present it to yo…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 1:05pm —
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In this section, we review books we haven’t read but nevertheless have a lot of contempt for.
“Outrage” by Dick Morris
Outrage is right! What an asshole! The parents got it right when they named that one. We’d rather listen to one of Charlie Manson’s “Quit Smoking Through Hypnos…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 1:04pm —
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“Guns are good. Everyone knows it. You know who doesn’t like guns? Communists. You know what else is good? Doughnuts. Especially the jelly-filled ones. Everyone likes doughnuts—even Communists.”
-Charleton Heston, April 3, 1968, opening night of “Planet of the Donut Holes: A Dunkin’ D…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 12:42pm —
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Salesforce automation tool becomes the first online entity to declare sovereignty
With the rallying cry “No Automation without Representation!” Salesforce.com officially declared itself a sovereign state Tuesday.
“We make the rules now!” said Marc Benioff. Benioff, formerly CEO, declare…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 12:40pm —
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Corporate anorexia, a disorder in which a company’s self-image is so severely distorted that they drop necessary staff in a desperate effort to curtail imagined bloating, leaving them weakened to the point they can no longer complete even the most basic business functions, has c…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 12:39pm —
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President Bush Rescinds CAN-SPAM
In a political move that has left most analysts baffled, President Bush announced Wednesday during his weekly radio address that he has been elected “King Whiskers” by a secret governing body of super-intelligent aliens called “Huskerdoos.”
According…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 12:37pm —
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Former General Electrics CEO, Jack Welch, has announced today he is entering the 2008 presidential elections as an independent candidate. Welch, who is widely thought of as the Grandfather of Sonsabitches and inspired such phrases as ‘Go fuck yourself, Jack”, has begun c…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 12:31pm —
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Two marketers at the Danish recruiting firm Swarsgard & Leiberflubben were arrested and savagely beaten in North Korea this week when local officials discovered they were in violation of international CAN-SPAM laws.
A spokesman for the Korean SSSEOWLYU (Stop Sending Spam…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on May 13, 2008 at 12:29pm —
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A man in San Diego has found his favorite pen. It was under his desk. “I’m just elated,” said Tom Sneedy who works in the marketing department for a major software company. “I had written the pen off, and then I just found it under my desk. That’s a pun in case you didn’t catch it.…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on March 13, 2008 at 1:00pm —
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ALICE, TX – Citizens of this sleepy South Texas town are still dealing with the aftermath of Robert Garcia’s lie. “You think you know a guy and then he does something so crazy you realize you never knew him at all,” said Bill Chauncey, Mr. Garcia’s colleague at the local software f…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on March 13, 2008 at 1:00pm —
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A salesman from Texas-based software company AccounTeriffic is reporting he has closed a major software deal with General Gigantic all by himself, with no help from anyone, especially marketing. The deal is valued at $234,000 but could have been a lot bigger, according to sale…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on February 20, 2008 at 1:00pm —
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In our constant, never-ending and thankless mission to eradicate actual, demonstrable work – the scourge of the marketing “profession” – we publish damn lies for you, the marketer, to repurpose for your “work.” These are big lies – damn lies, if you will. We will never publish small lies, only damn lies. In the immortal words of Mark Twain, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. ”As the Pickle grows and improves in its mission to provide dodges for the marketer, we wi…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on February 18, 2008 at 1:00pm —
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Your blind ambition makes you a lightning rod for criticism. Guess what? Your critics are right. You are an asshole. Try dialing it down to “prick” for the next few days. Instead of telling the VP of marketing that you’ll have her job some day soon, tell her she looks really “s…
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Added by Angry Former Employee on February 16, 2008 at 12:30pm —
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Added by Angry Former Employee on February 13, 2008 at 12:30pm —
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